Day One

It's the first of March today, and it has been 2 months already since I started working here. During the two months here, there were plenty ups and downs at work. Initially, I enjoyed my work as it requires me to teach classes only without any additional responsibilities, teaching a subject that I am well-versed in.

However, as time went by, my responsibilities grew and so did my self-expectation. I am a perfectionist, who demands absolute perfection during ideal times, however, I can be quite flexible and willingly accept mediocrity when under duress. As an employee of an organisation, whether I am a permanent or temporary staff, I would give my all to protect the good name of the organisation. However, the responsibilities piled upon me can be quite overwhelming at times.

During my time here, I had set ONE rule for myself, which is to control my emotions, be it Anger, Sadness, Disappointment, or any other negative emotions and to always maintain a positive attitude. I have choose to hid everything behind a smile. As a tutor, my actions and words can and may influence my students, hence, it is my policy here to remain positive and to never show them my Dark side.

As quoted from my colleague,

"I've never seen you get angry before and would like to see you get angry at least once."

Unfortunately, I've decided to remain as a passive aggressive tutor.

Today also marks the first day of work without my colleague. Although younger than me by several years, we often discussed our life experiences and exchange opinions. It is quite ironic as someone once told me that her work doesn't require her to do much and I actually agreed on it, however, she actually pulls her weight. She may not be as knowledgeable as me but she played a pivotal role to me. She was a friend that I could communicate with here at work, she was a friend that I could tell my secrets to, she was someone I never expected to leave so soon, she is someone that I took for granted and on the first day without her, I realised that the simple work that she does on a daily basis is actually quite significant and quite pivotal.

I missed her optimism as I am more of a pessimist. Her smiles and her greetings are what kept me going on under stressful situations. I believe I have done all I could for her, asides from the teasing and pranking, except ONE thing, that I will probably blame myself, I did not try my best to stop her from leaving. If only I could be more aggressive, if only I could be more assertive, if only I could...

However, as she typed her resignation letter yesterday, how I wished it was a bad dream, a nightmare that would end whereby she would appear tomorrow telling me it was an April Fool's day brought forward a month. Instead of moping around while I was ill, I made a decision to get her a souvenir, hopefully something that would inspire her to pursue her dreams, something to remind her that should she ever need a helping hand or and ear, I am always here in Puchong.